August 20, 2016
When we see the word relationship, the first image that springs to mind is the romantic relationship between two people. However, there are many different types of relationships that shape the trajectory of our lives. Whether that it is the connection we have with our parents, friends, siblings, or colleagues.
When these relationships are healthy, we become happier and more fulfilled. The world opens up into a place of endless possibilities for joy and love. Unfortunately, almost all of us have experienced one of them becoming toxic at some point in our lives. Others amongst us have the awful trait of repeating toxic relationships over and over again, in an endless cycle of personal suffering. Escaping one or escaping the cycle is essential, but is undeniably difficult.
Identifying the toxic element
A toxic relationship manifests itself in your life in the same way as an addiction. You feel the side effects of the toxicity but struggle to identify the source. Beginning the process of moving on from any addiction begins with admitting there is a problem. Identifying the toxic element in a relationship is, therefore, crucial to accepting the issue.
Most psychologists consider power to be at the heart of most toxic relationships. The use of power by one person over another is usually seen when one person belittles the other and ignores that person’s achievements or emotions to focus solely on their own.
This narcissism suggests that the other person in the relationship is subordinate and unimportant in comparison. Most individuals who find themselves on this end of a toxic relationship begin to accept that they are lesser than the other person.
If you’ve found yourself in a spiral of toxic relationships, it can often be rooted back to your earliest relationship with your parents, according to respected psychotherapist Susan Forward. Forward suggests that parents who are manipulative, unpredictable and abusive, condition a child’s brain to expect that they will find themselves on the subordinate end of all subsequent relationships.
Her views are backed up by child psychoanalyst Isabelle Korolitski, “a first attachment that was toxic, and was never dealt with, may well lead to another.” She also suggests that it is not surprising that people who have been subjected to ill-treatment appear to seek out those will continue the cycle of manipulation.
Effects of toxic relationships